Knowing that I am both a Gottman Certified Therapist (GCT) and a Prepare
Enrich Facilitator, both clients in the therapy room and fellow guests at a party often voice this question. The answer is not too complicated.
A couple will know if they are ready for marriage by understanding several things about the relationship and about themselves. Couples, who love each other, have taken off the rose-colored glasses. They have worked on building trust and commitment. They have a strong friendship base and have a willingness to work on the relationship. When these elements are present in their relationship, they are ready. Couples, who have worked though conflict and have some basic skills to manage disagreements, are ready.
Not all couples, or individuals, come to the table with inherent conflict management or communication skills. Research has shown, however, that if both are wiling to do the work, these skills can be learned. Couples, who struggle and want to be successful, will need to invest in the work together.
If a couple is unsure of their readiness for marriage, finding a a professional who specializes in pre-marital preparation, is a great place to start. Two assessment programs, which are based on actual research about what makes relationships work, are Prepare-Enrich and the Gottman Relationship Check-up. These couple assessments provide personalized feedback. This quicker type of assessment saves a couple from weeks of meeting with a professional trying to be known; or explain their relationship. These assessments are efficient and outcome oriented;
they provide structured frameworks and identify skills for the couple to learn in order for them to improve in growth areas.
Couples who do pre-marital preparation in a more formalized way, gain even better tools and understandings of their strengths and challenges in a relationship. It's important to recognize that like any habit, the more you practice and maintain positive relationship behaviors, the more happy your ever-after will be.
Maryellen Mullin, is an LMFT in California, and founder of San Francisco Family Therapy and Messy Parenting: Progress Not Perfection ®, working with families, couples and individuals.